waz gunna rite a bhook, not gunna ennymore
so earlier this year I thought that maybe I should write a book, a proper one, you know, like some sort of obedient, boring, old establishment dick would write.
i have already written this zine of course: “what the f*#k do you do that for?”, but that was self-published and basically “a bit weird”. I thought that if I wrote something more “normal”, that I could convince a publisher to publish, then I’d have wide distribution, be considered a “published author” (not just a “convicted criminal” with with questionable mental health) and that perhaps this would help me make my argument in the strongest and most credible way in our big dumb society.
I figured this would mean I would have to use a more conventional format, fully reference things, use “proper” punctuation, etc., but this was something I felt I could do…
The thought of approaching publishers, or trying to find an agent to approach publishers on my behalf, was a really shitty prospect, but I thought I could just suck it up and do that too…
Turns out I couldn’t… the actual practice of writing something to the standards (real or imagined) of others, basically begging for outside approval with every sentence, and changing/censoring the way I express myself (a part of myself), was too spirit-crushing for me to bear… i can bear a lot, but only when i let my spirit run wild and free (excuse my shit), not when i try to harness my poor little spirit to some shitty publishing machine to produce a marketable commodity under crapitalism… it turns out I’m a very sensitive little flower.
I was also considering that it seems less and less people are reading books anyway, that the internet has annihilated everyone’s attention span, and I am no different.
Even if I am interested in the subject of a book, or a particular argument, I basically can’t be fucked reading something that seems to have been deliberately dragged out over 100’s of pages of earnest drudgery. I want the TLDR, get to the point you authoring c*#ts!! The problem is there often isn’t a point, or at least not the sort of point I am looking for; the point is that the author authored a big long scholarly book, which is a fucking terrible point.
I don’t want to say there is no place for long and detailed research and analysis, of course it has value, i just think we already have heaps of that shit, and it does nothing on its own. Action that can address the issues at root cause is far more important, and I become frustrated that research and analysis can become an all-consuming task of alienating overcomplexification and interminable bickering for those involved. I think we should try to keep our analysis as simple as possible and remain focussed on action, because words are not meaningful without corresponding actions. I know some political writers are big on action, and that is great, I guess I just don’t want to write right like they all seem to, and this is no reason to go attacking the character of everyone who writes a political book (or is it?).
I have never wanted to write, and I really wish I didn’t feel compelled to do it now. I only want to write because using words written down is the most straight-forward way for me to explain my actions and the ideas behind them (and I think this is necessary if I want my ideas to have an impact, which of course I do).
My life has more than enough unpleasant things in it, so I am not going to make the task of explaining myself in writing extra-horrible, especially when it is something I can actually come to enjoy when I only have myself to answer to (and I can say whatever dumb shit my arseclown self wants to ;’p ).
So I decided that I should just write to my own standards and publish it right here with the unmediated click of a mouse.
Of course we all know that “the internet” is just the thing that makes facebook, instagram, twitter, etc. work on your phone, and that nobody has typed a URL into a web browser since 1998, but the main thing is that I just get it written, and then send it out into the cold and uncaring universe (from whence it came).
I want to write everything I wanted to cover in the aborted book in short stand-alone pieces and chuck them up on this blog as I go, so I guess I’m saying this here to make sure I keep my word.
Hopefully once I have written all this shit (and had a great, stress-free and personally-rewarding time doing so), some kind not-for-profit public-interest publisher will just swoop in and publish a comprehensive compendium, granting me all the benefits I seek with none of the personal costs… I’m just going to nip off to manifest this now with some mantras and crystals and shit, brb.